Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Buffy: Sorry, 'Miss I-Chose-My-Major-in-Playgroup.'
Conservative Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Willow: It's just in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon; you really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know? And letting this place just thrust into and, and spurt knowledge into ... that sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
Buffy: I'm with you, though. I'm all for spurty knowledge.
Willow: Oh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend.
Willow: Well, [Giles] says he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Willow: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all fifty states.
Buffy: I'm so the books were just too high and then everything was bad.
Riley: It's nice to meet you both.
Professor Riegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn.
Buffy: You know, I was just wondering. Professor Walsh isn't planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she?
Eddie: Did you uh, lose your way?
Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it?
Unskinny Vamp: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: OK, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a Watcher?
Buffy: God, I was worried that something had happened to you and of course it has because you're a vampire.
Stoner Vamp: Uh, are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but you fight like a girl.
Sunday: Those jeans with the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself.
Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous Ladies Night club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made out of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Xander: And you're sitting here at the Bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.
Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life. Faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at the fabulous Ladies Night club. Let me tell ya' something: When it's dark, and I'm all alone, and I'm scared, or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone, I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?' ...
Xander: Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do ya' say?
Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off. That's just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then. There's no circumstances!
Willow: How can you be so calm?
Xander: Do we hug?
Xander: Well some friends of Buffy played a funny joke and they took her stuff and now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
Buffy: Let me answer that question with a head butt.