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BuffyGuide.com — The Complete Buffy Episode Guide
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Quotes



Xander: Dinner is served, and my very own recipe.
Willow: Oooo, you pushed the button on the microwave that says "popcorn?"
Xander: Actually I pushed "Defrost," but Joyce was there in a clinch.

Xander: Apocalypse Now is a gay romp. It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was.

Xander: (to Willow) So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (to Oz) She does spells with Tara.
Oz: Yeah, I've heard about that.
Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and then I do a spell by myself.

Giles: The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive. So hide!

Cheese Guy (to Willow, about a bunch of cheese slices on a table): I've made a little space for the cheese slices.

Riley: Why hello, little lady. Can I hold those milk pails for you?
Harmony: Why thank you, but they're not very heavy. Why have you come to our lonely small town which has no post office and very few exports?
Riley: I've come lookin' for a man... a sales man.

Buffy: But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex. Throw 'em in the sea for all I care. Throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles. Men, with your groping and spitting. All groin, no brain. Three billion of ya' passin' around the same worn out urge. Men... with your sales.

Buffy: You must have done something.
Willow: No, I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty.

Buffy: Want some corn?
Xander: Butter flavor?
Buffy: New car smell.
Xander: Cool.

Xander: I didn't order any vampires!

Cheese Guy (to Xander, about the slices of cheese on a plate): These will not protect you.

Spike: Haven't you figured it all out yet with your enormous, squishy frontal lobes?

Cheese Guy (to Giles, while wearing two slice of cheese on his head): I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.

Anya: OK. A man walks in to the office of a doctor. He's wearing on his head, um, oh wait, there's a duck, is that right?
Guy From Audience: You suck!
Anya: Quiet, you'll miss the humorous conclusion.
(other conversation between Willow, Xander and Giles)
Anya: And then the duck tells the doctor, that there's a man that's attached to my ass! You see, it was the duck and not the man that spoke.

Giles (singing): It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before / It seems familiar somehow / Of course / The spell we cast with Buffy must have released some primal evil that's come back seeking / I'm not sure what / Willow, look through the chronicles for some reference to a warrior beast / I've got to warn Buffy / There's every chance she might be next / And Xander / help Willow / And try not to bleed on my couch / I've just had it steam-cleaned. No wait...

Joyce (giggling): I'm sorry dear. A mouse is playing with my knees.
Buffy: I really don't think you should live in there.

Tara (speaking for the first Slayer): The Slayer does not walk in this world.
Buffy: I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.

Giles: Somehow our joining with Buffy and invoking the essence of the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power.
Buffy: You know you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
Giles: I did. I said there could be dire consequences.
Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.

 
 
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